Short jokes

What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.

I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.

Bird on the beach: seagull.

Bird by the bay: bagel.

Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.

The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

There is no joke.

I can't see the bee.

It's by the beehive.

What do you call a cup with a handle?

A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(

Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.

One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

hg is cool.

Dear uncle, I want my condoms.

What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?

One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.

I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"

Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.

"What the heck are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?

IHOP.

Jupiter

The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.