I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
Short Jokes
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
I want to do Uranus. (tounge emoji) (wet emoji)
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
Bob: Kanye West.
Dad: No, but I can East.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.
Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?
A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
