Short jokes
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
Maishah the poo turned into a fart, which is the big fart monster's best friend. This is her: 🐷🐷🐷🐷🤢🤢🤢💩💩💩💩👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻🐽🐽🐽
What did the poo say to the fart:
You blow me away!
Her last name starts with "A" and ends with "D," and the middle letters are "P-O-O."
Maishah, the poo comes from an old bathroom in a country starting with B.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
Why was 10 scared of 9?
Because 9 8 7.
Where were the first French Fries 🍟 made?
In Greece.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.