Short jokes
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me.
What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angel food cake! 🎂🥳
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
Viggie tickles.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
What's India's favorite font?
Comic Sanskrit.
Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"
(dude wtf)
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
What did the drummer call his 2 twin daughters?
Anna 1 Anna 2.
Only really smart people will get this without it being explained.
Toilet paper fight hat.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
Friend: What fly's and cry's?
You: A cloud.