Short jokes
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
Donkeys are cool.
Why would a man spend his whole career at a barn?
Because it's stable.
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
Secret code that Bin Laden sent to Obama but couldn't decipher!
It was eloHssA OllEH!!
What does a pillow say when you live for a week? "Don't forget me!"
Boomer.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
I'm gay.
"1v1," said Kobe. LeBron James says, "Ok, bet," and bet the money. Bro, ok, let's get it."
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
Stephen Hawking was incredible at poker, he had no tell whatsoever.
Why is James ugly? Cuz he do be a nerd with braces.