Short jokes
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
You're so poor you wash paper plates.
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
Yo mama so skinny, she choked on a SINGLE STRAND OF SPAGHETTI!
What do you get when a dinosaur farts?
A blast from the past!
Why was the sea sad? Because it was blue.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
A... B... Sea?
Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
What type of place would Papyrus hang out at?
The SPA-ghetti!
*insert ba dum tss here*
There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
You're so fat your ass has 2 zip codes.
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.