Short jokes
"F***, Jesus ate his stinky ass."
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?
Have a look at her face!
I miss understood that, Miss Understood.
"Guys! Let’s hang out after school!"
Dude named Guys:
Dude named Out:
Dude named School:
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
America... Amefrica... Amfrica... Africa...
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
NASA equals nugget and sh*t, amateur.
What was Jesus scared of the most?
Snails.
What was Jesus's favorite food?
Answer: Snails
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
What's the grossest mission NASA could do?
Probing Uranus.