Short jokes
Where is the pocket?
It is there, the pocket.
Why did the egg fall off the motorbike?
He was shite.
What do you call butter without an expiration date?
A miracle butter, because wow!
What did the expired butter do once it had expired?
It did an expire.
I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
What do starving kids call Venetian blinds?
Bunk beds.
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
You're a joke!
What's great about an emo pizza?
It cuts itself. Yay!
Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
My humour is so dark that its life matters.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.