Short jokes
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)
You're the reason the middle finger got created.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What kind of animal falls from the sky?
Answer: A raindeer.
Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?
Answer: They couldn't find home base.
Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"
Student: "I'm not going."
Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
Scrolled through all of them, still haven't laughed.
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.