Short jokes
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
It's not rape if you're both crying.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
Yo momma's so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!
Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
Yo momma's so fat that she plays pool with planets.
Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!