Short jokes

I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.

Big mummy milkers...

I hate the poor, who's with me? The rich, all the way!

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.

What is the difference between an orphan and a homeless person? Nothing, haha.

Roses are red.

Your passports are blue.

Now go stand over there,

In that very long queue!

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They don't have a home plate.

Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?

He ended with a Black Handed bang.

What do Shrek and onions have in common?

*LAYERS*

When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.

Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.

What do farts fly with?

Smellicopters!

I wish I had emo nails,

So they could cut themselves.

What's an orphan's least favorite theme song? The Barney theme song.

I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.

I just threw some cigarette butts on the ground while I was driving.

I wasn't clean after this.