Short jokes
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.
Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?
To get the ice cream for the grandma.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
Me: I will rape you!
Woman: NOOOOOO!!! I AM TOO SCARED TO GET "RAPED"!
Why do women be like this?
I stole one's balls.
Someone stole my balls :(
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
Could a phone booth also be called a chatterbox?
What has eyes but can't see?
Potatoes, storms, and needles.
What do rapists like to suck?
The life out of their victim.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
Why are basketball courts slippery?
Because the players dribble on it.