Short jokes
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
Why did the joke cross the street?
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat
Bisexuals aren’t gay.
Bisexuals aren’t straight.
They’re graight! 😂
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?
Cows go moo.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
What do you call a gay guy on the BBQ?
LGBBQ.
This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.
What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?
"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"
Why are you guys making fun of priests?
Because you have a suga daddy already.
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.