They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
What's the difference between a bad joke and an actually bad joke?
An actually bad joke is not funny, like this one!
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
"Among Us" tea water.
A computer usually has a HARD drive. LESSON. No wonder they remember things.
Computers are females because when they're down, you always charge her.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
