Short jokes
Why is Daisy afraid of candles?
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What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Why did the orphan dig six feet under?
To find his parents.
Why did the orphan not get service at the restaurant?
Because it was a family restaurant!
I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.
The toaster;
otherwise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
What's a fetus' favorite gun? A micro SMG.