Short jokes

How did Michael Jackson die?

Because he danced like a zombie!

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅

What was Helen Keller's favorite game when she was a kid?

I spy.

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

Which way do gay men walk?

One Direction.

What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.

My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.

What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.

what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.

What's Christian and holey?

JFK.

Yo head built like 2 parentheses.

Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.

What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?

She can't say no!

Má ég fara heim?

(In an infant-esque voice.)

I saw a robbery at the Apple store.

Am I an iWitness?

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.