Short jokes

Are you with Alex?

Fucking retarded. Go dig a home die, people!

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.

Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.

You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!

What's the best finger for fingering A minor?

Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone.

ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser.

Son: Dad, I'm gay.

Dad: I support you.

Son: I like you.

Dad: Get out and into my room!

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

My cousin called me ugly.

Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.

Dmitri! Where's my vodka?

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because his mom and dad are in every episode!

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?

Shut up and cut the coke.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!