Short jokes

Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?

Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.

What do you call a midget stripper?

A pocket pussy.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉

Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.

Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.

The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?

Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫

They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?

It was only 3/5 full.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?

"Let us pray."

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?

He was told to high-jack it.

What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.