Short jokes

Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?

Because there were no more planes.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?

I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.

He said he couldn't complain.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"

Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."

Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Yo mama!

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?

Special head.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.

What’s the best part about stage four cancer?

There’s no stage five.

Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.

Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.

Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."