Short jokes
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
There hasn’t been 3 months of peace in this country since 2019. Jesus, take the wheel.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
What does “JETS” stand for?
Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
The Israeli government is the biggest joke of all.
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
Ever tried African food?
Neither have they.
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.