Short jokes

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

I ate Nemo.

You know the Twin Towers employees were supposed to meet a good football team. Instead, they just met the Jets.

Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?

Alexander the raisin.

Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.

I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

You've heard of anal sex.

You've heard of oral sex.

You've heard of genital sex.

But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

Ha ha! Get rickrolled!

What did one candle say to the other?

"Want to go out tonight?"

How does a tree access the internet?

By logging in and branching out!

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.

How many balls do you have on your body?

2. Your butt.

Men.

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)

My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.