Short jokes
The first ever picture of a black hole got released. It sucks.
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Me: What are we doing in HPE?
Friend: Fitness.
Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.
Me: What's the fifth month of the year?
Friend: May.
Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
Why did Hitler go for handicap?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
6, 7, and 8 are all scared of 10, but 10 is also scared. Why was 10 scared?
Because it was stuck between 9 and 11.
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
Your friend is so fat, when he took the group pic, he was the background.
What did the lettuce say when she is popping the champagne?
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
What's the difference between Lana Del Rey and Milli Vanilli?
Milli Vanilli won a Grammy.
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.