Short jokes
Why was Hitler broke?
The gas prices are outrageous.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
I want to cream, rn.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
Why were the baker's hands brown?
Because he was kneading a poop.
Ahhhhh shit! IT’S HUNTING SEASON y’all!
"Jump in the Cadillac, girl, let's put some miles on it."
Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"