Short jokes
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
Your forehead is so big it blocked my phone service!
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?
Geico saves you more.
What’s the difference between a life and a nuclear bomb?
I don’t have a life.
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
What are Michael Jackson’s favorite universities?
Brigham Young and Boise State.
What did Osama say after knocking over the Twin Towers?
He he he haw.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
What's funny about sex? I don't get it.
You may not like me, but you still look up to me.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
Big feet equals mini meat.
Gay dik.
Smol Dik.
Plastik Dik.
Rubeh Dik.
Smooth Dik.
Metahl Dik.
Why don't orphans have Life360?
Because parents won't track them.
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.