Shit jokes

I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.

The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table. It was a ROYAL FLUSH.

So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?

White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!

When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...

What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.

What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.

What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.

That shit was trash. You can't handle me.

Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?

I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀

Nobody:

JFK: :) Hi guys!

JFK's killer: Ayo look at this shit, I just hit a clip.

"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

Kris

Damn this shit!

Megan Thee Stallion: What!

Kris: My mother is a fucker!

The whole world:

OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roses are red, my toaster too,

Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?

Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!