Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?
I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀
Nobody:
JFK: :) Hi guys!
JFK's killer: Ayo look at this shit, I just hit a clip.
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.
Kris
Damn this shit!
Megan Thee Stallion: What!
Kris: My mother is a fucker!
The whole world:
OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Roses are red, my toaster too,
Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?
What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?
White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!
"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."
What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.
What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.
What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
Shit
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
