She Jokes

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.

In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.

Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?

She washed up on the beach.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.

Me verses my mother

The image is a side-by-side comparison. On the left, there's a depiction of a fiery figure with an angry face, labeled 'My mom when I break something.' On the right, there's a smiling green figure with floral details, labeled 'My mom when she breaks something.'

My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?

Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.

Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.

(She's blind and deaf)

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”

She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."

I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.

My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.