Sex jokes
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?
A: Make sure to come upstairs!
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.