Sex jokes
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a good year, and one's a great year.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?