Sex jokes

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?

Non-profit wh*reganisation.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?

Fucks funny.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.

Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?

A. Crayons.

There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

Why was Mrs. Claus upset?

Because Santa only comes once a year.

What is the difference between hungry and horny?

The cucumber goes to different places.

What do women and KFC have in common?

After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

What’s the speed limit in bed?

It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.

"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One's a good year, and one's a great year.

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.