Sex jokes

When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.

What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?

cocks of African-American men

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

What’s the speed limit in bed?

It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One's a good year, and one's a great year.

"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.

Why was Mrs. Claus upset?

Because Santa only comes once a year.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?

Fucks funny.

If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?

Non-profit wh*reganisation.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.