Sex jokes
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.