Sex jokes

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?

They will come down your "chimney" tonight.

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.

Why do physically challenged gay men suck dick better than females who are able-bodied and heterosexual?

Because physically challenged gay men do it best! 👏 🙌 👍👍 👌 👌 💪 💪 🥰 😊 😃 😄 😁 😍 💖 ❤️ 💖 ❣️ 💕 💘

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

1+1=3

If you don't use a condom.

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?

"I love eating cat."

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Suck its cock.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

2 weeks here.

What do dicks and popsicles have in common?

They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.

Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.