Sex jokes
What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
Little Johnny fucked a girl, ran away, fucked another, ran, went to the strip club, got a private dance, he has sex with them, fucking ran, yelled to some random bitch ass guy, "Fuck him, he's a bitch." He bends down, they have sex on the street, they go home, have sex, little Johnny wakes up, questions himself, fucking does it again. He goes to the strip club, fucks some more people, when he is drunk, questions himself some more, then tries phone sex, but his dick is too small.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Really bad penis joke.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.
His boss told him: "You suck."
And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.
His boss told him: "You suck for life!"
XD
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
What is gay - curious 🤔 😳
👬 👬 a gay man that is curious about experiencing sex with a 👨 👩 👨 bisexual man.
👨 👨 👩 🚲 🚲 🚲 does it cycle now?
🚲 🚲 🚲
😢 😔 sorry for your luck 🍯 honey it sucks 😪 😞 😒 to be you.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.