Sex jokes

In 69, the 6 looks like someone facing up. The 9 looks like someone facing down.

69 looks like 2 people suck each other’s dick. That means, L7.

They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"

Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"

Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."

Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"

Husband: "Gold, of course!"

Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."

Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.

Why do physically challenged gay men suck dick better than females who are able-bodied and heterosexual?

Because physically challenged gay men do it best! 👏 🙌 👍👍 👌 👌 💪 💪 🥰 😊 😃 😄 😁 😍 💖 ❤️ 💖 ❣️ 💕 💘

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.

What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?

They will come down your "chimney" tonight.

Anal intercourse is for assholes.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Suck its cock.

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.