Sex jokes
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
What's the difference between me and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.