Sex jokes
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
What is the definition of fellatio?
Auto masturbation.
What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock!
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
F*** man, I just need a f***ing loli to walk all over me!
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
FUCK ME DADDY!!!!
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
6 looks like someone facing up.
9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.
In 69, the 6 looks like someone facing up. The 9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people suck each other’s dick. That means, L7.
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.