What did the man who had sex with an instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.
Q. How does an Isis terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Whoever said men will fuck anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
I heard my neighbours having sex and it was annoying me, so I called my gf to ask if she wanted to go out but when I called her I heard my neighbours phone ringing
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you gotta hand it to her.
-a beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide-
a homeless man walks by her and says "what are you doing?"
she says "im going to jump"
the homeless man says "if youre going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
the woman replies "no way creep! never that!"
the homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says
"thats fine, I'll just wait til you're at the bottom"
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me...it turns out that she was lying.
This isn’t much of a joke but pickup line ok it’s this. Are you a marshmallow because I wanna put my stick in u
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy
The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, The Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed.
Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away, The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today
What's better then sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I took it from her though.
My Friend said having sex is alot like your first football game
Your bloody and bruised but at least your dad was there
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients he performs fellatio on them
