Sex jokes

Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.

Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.

What do you call lesbians having sex?

My cheating dyke ex-wife!

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.

When I die, I want my body to be cremated.

And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!

you.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

Why are feminists always against men?

Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

What is 6.9?

A beautiful thing ruined by a period.

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.

A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?