Sex jokes
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
Definition of trust: two cannibals having oral sex.
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.
We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.