Sex jokes

Definition of trust: two cannibals having oral sex.

My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?

A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.

Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.

Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.

Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.

What do you call lesbians having sex?

My cheating dyke ex-wife!

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.

When I die, I want my body to be cremated.

And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!

you.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

Why are feminists always against men?

Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.