Sex jokes
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?
Hair pull.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."
Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."
Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."
Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"
Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"
Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."
Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."
Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."
Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"
Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."
Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.