Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
What flavor ice cream do rape victims enjoy?
Cock flavor.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?
One eats tape while the other eats pussy.
What is the difference between hungry and horny?
The cucumber goes to different places.
So this is how I got divorced.
On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!
Chuck Norris came up with the name for Walker, Texas Ranger in sheer brilliance. You can arrange each letter for the name of the show to display the true name being "Wrangler Karate Sex!"
What is the difference between interstate and intercourse?
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
Suck my pp!
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
