Sex jokes
"Don't have sex" - Jake.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; Because it's where everyone goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls?
They blow themselves up.
What do math and me on P-hub have in common?
They are both hard.
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
Why can't a woman find a glory hole inside of the lady's room?
Because piss comes out of a woman's pussy.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.