If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
What do gay horses eat? -- Horse dick.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
