I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
