Seconds jokes
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
The people in the second tower, "I'm so glad that plane didn't hit our building!"
The second plane, 🗿🗿🗿
Who are the fastest readers ever? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
What did an Arab say to feed his kid?
'Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second airplane!'
Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.
Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.
Husband: The second we entered the beach,
Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
We were making jokes before the second tower even fell!
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
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What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?
Why did the first fence hate the other fence?
The second fence used some of-fensive language.
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.