Seconds jokes

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.

We were making jokes before the second tower even fell!

Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

Two lepers meet on the street.

First says "How are you doing?"

Second says "Mustn't crumble!"

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

Why did the first fence hate the other fence?

The second fence used some of-fensive language.

How do goldfish know when to eat?

They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.

The people in the second tower, "I'm so glad that plane didn't hit our building!"

The second plane, 🗿🗿🗿

First bite: Oh my God!

Second bite: Oh my, God!

What did an Arab say to feed his kid?

'Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second airplane!'

Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.

As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.

Then one stops and asks his companion:

"Does this taste funny to you?"

Three drunk guys entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?

They're my friends.

Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.

Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.

One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"

Little Johnny once was at a camp and asked his teacher if he could sleep with her because he was homesick, so the teacher said yes. A few seconds later, Little Johnny asked if he could run his finger in her bellybutton, and she said yes.

A few seconds later, she moaned and felt so good, but it was not his finger putting it down her bellybutton; it was his dick and her penis.