Seconds jokes

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

Two lepers meet on the street.

First says "How are you doing?"

Second says "Mustn't crumble!"

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.

We were making jokes before the second tower even fell!

Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

Who are the fastest readers?

911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.

How do goldfish know when to eat?

They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.

Why did the first fence hate the other fence?

The second fence used some of-fensive language.

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"

How do tourists feed their kids?

Here comes the airplane, here comes the second one.

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!

What did an Arab say to feed his kid?

'Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second airplane!'

Who are the fastest readers ever? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."

First bite: Oh my God!

Second bite: Oh my, God!

Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.

As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.

Then one stops and asks his companion:

"Does this taste funny to you?"