Seconds jokes
Jeff crosses the US border.
The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.
Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
Daddy, good morning, please, I want too, but Davido's second-hand towel is 2.5 million.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"
What did an Arab say to feed his kid?
'Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second airplane!'
Who are the fastest readers ever? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
Why did the first fence hate the other fence?
The second fence used some of-fensive language.
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
We were making jokes before the second tower even fell!
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.
Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.
Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.
Husband: The second we entered the beach,
Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"
When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
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