Sea jokes
What do you call male mermaids?
Mer-butlers!
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?
"Under the Sea," from The Little Mermaid.
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"
Do you get it? SEArch.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting? Octopied.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."
bro what?
Community talk
On maps, Cuba is crocodile-shaped, but when I look at a flat paper outline, I cannot see the beautiful farm on the crocodile’s belly. I can’t find the palm trees, or bright coral beaches where flying fish leap, gleaming like rainbows.
end of part 3start of part 4 Box startsSometimes, I feel like a rolling wave of the sea, a wave that can only belong in between the two solid shores.
Sometimes, I feel like a bridge, or a storm.
lemme rewrite my poem here the candle is dim, the batteries are dying , times running out, and soon we'll be flying.
flying over fields or sea, on the night and the day, wont you come fly with me, dont you dare be afraid.
the light through my window, it shines bright enough, it isnt the moon though, its the streetlights - not tough.
the candle gets dimmer, the quote on the wall, our lives, they get thinner, as w… Read more
eee-eee-eee! splash, splash! 🌊🐬 hello friend! i’m so happy to see you! i’ve been zipping through the waves all day just waiting to say hi! 💦✨ let’s dive into some fun together—the ocean is big, bright, and bursting with adventure, and i can’t wait to share it with you! 💙