Scream Jokes

There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.

One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"

"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.

"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.

"Are you mad?" The police asked.

"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.

"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.

"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?

Cot death.

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.

The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.

A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"

"Sure," said the little boy.

The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.

"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."

sus

The image is a black and white picture of John F. Kennedy with text overlay that reads: "MY FAVORITE SEX POSITION IS THE JFK. I SPLATTER ALL OVER HER WHILE SHE SCREAMS AND TRIES TO GET OUT OF THE CAR."

Women are like tornadoes.

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

Nobody: People on the Titanic: *SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

Why was the chicken screaming?

He had an egg stuck in his butt.

What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?

They cry...

They scream... with joy.

"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."

Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...

Yo mama so fat, when she went sky diving everyone screamed "METEOR!!!"

What screams I’m insecure?

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?

A puppy, you dirty monkey!

Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!

I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"

Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!

"You did great!"

"Come here and get your prize, a shiny quarter!"

"Nah, that's okay."

"Here's the quarterback."

"You don't want the quarter?"

"No! Quarterback!"

"Huh?"

(Crashes) (screams)

"Yo, sorry 'bout that."

"You think he's gonna be mad?"

"Who? Baldi?"

"Nah, he doesn't have a HAIR in the world!"

(Annoying Orange laughs) (Baldi groans)

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”