Scream

Scream jokes

Banana

    • What music scares balloons?

    Pop music.

    Why would the banana scream "ouch?"

    Because it is getting peeled.

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    • Pornstar

    • Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"

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    • Hooker

    • What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?

    The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.

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    • Man

    • A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

    So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

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    • Scream memes

    Rape

    • How are rape and an airplane similar?

    The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.

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    • Girl

    • Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

    So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

    And then she died.

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    • Asshole

    • A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

    "Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

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    • Little Timmy

    • A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”

    The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”

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    • People

    • What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.

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    • Woman

    • Women are like tornadoes.

    They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

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    • Shooting

    • Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

    Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

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    • Wheelchair

    • I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

    Fruit

    • Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

    The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

    The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

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    • War

    • I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

    He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

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