Science jokes
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Your hairline is so far back, scientists consider it a ninth planet.
Your mamma's so fat, the aliens call her their mother ship!
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now? No, because he is dead.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
David? Mitosis.
A boxer talks with his fists.
Stephen Hawking talks with his wheelchair.
What did Stephen Hawking love that couldn't move?
Himself, ps particularly his whole body. I was gonna say his legs, but then I remembered he was fully paralysed and was like shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
What do you call a man with 6.022 x 10^23 dollars?
A Moleionaire.
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.
Now touring: Stephen Hawking unplugged.
Poor Uranus, he is so gassy.