School jokes

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.

What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.

Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.

Corona did what Trump promised.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”

How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?

Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.

What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?

Concentration camp.

What are the best shooting ranges in America?

Schools.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"

What's an orphan's high school nickname? "Lone Stone."

I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.