School jokes

The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".

What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.

What did the math book say to the other math book?

Wanna hear my problems?

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.

Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.

What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.

What school subject does an orphan love?

PE because they actually get picked.

I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.

When I got to school, I was speechless.

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.