Say jokes
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
What did the Indian cheese say to the other cheese?
"Tu cheese badi hai mast mast!"
What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"
What did the fish say to the other fish?
"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
I didn’t orphan never say home.
Because they didn’t have one.
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.
On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
My mom told me to get a job, so I did.
One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.
My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.
What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
Mooooooo my secret is that it's pasture bedtime, but not pasture bedtime!
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
What did the airplane say to the tower? Allahu Akbar!