Say

Say jokes

Octopus

    • What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."

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    • Arrest

    • What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

    “C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

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    • Friend

    • Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."

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    • Girlfriend

    • If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."

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    • Superman

    • Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.

    He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.

    He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.

    Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

    The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."

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    • Say memes

    Bar

    • Three Vulcans walk into a bar.

    The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."

    The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."

    The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."

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    • Baker

    • Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."

    Orphan

    • How do you get an orphan sad?

    You say you will tell their mom that they have been a baaaaaad boy.

    Rape

    • Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

    I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

    My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

    Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.