Say jokes

What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"

Sonic says if you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

How do sick Mexicans say hello?

"Ebola."

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

If a person with Down syndrome robs you, what do you say? “I’m up your Down.”

Confucius say: "Gay man who take far, far away trip, hates to leave friends behind."

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Why do high tides come up so high?

Because they come up to say hi.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

What did the parent say to M.J.?

"Get off my kid!"

What did the tree say to the depressed kid?

"Stop hanging around."

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Holy cow!

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.