Say jokes

What did the parent say to M.J.?

"Get off my kid!"

What did the tree say to the depressed kid?

"Stop hanging around."

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Holy cow!

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.

Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.

Hitler says, “Yes.”

Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”

Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”

What did the shell say to the shell?

"Shell you later."

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

What did Jupiter say to Uranus? Hey, I can see your Uranus from here!

When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"

Yo mama so fat, flat earthers say she's round.

What do you say to an upset German?

Quit being such a sauerkraut!

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

What did the rapper say to the microphone?

"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"

What did the DJ say to the VEGETABLE?

"Lettuce turnip the beet!"

What did the rapper say to the vegetable?

"Lettuce DROP some BEATS!"

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.

Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."

What did the rapper say to his shoes?

"You better lace up!"