Say jokes

What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?

Wasted.

What did Vegeta say to Bulma?

What?

Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)

Do they say you are what you eat?

That makes Bulma a VEGETARIAN if u know what I'm SAIYAN.

What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?

"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?

They both be flying??

Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

Two muffins are in an oven.

One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"

The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."

Nobody stands up.

After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."

Little Johnny stands up.

"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"

"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."

Why does Zac say he works at McDonald's? Because Aaron go errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I love Alabama. I live there. I have a sign that says, "Sweet Home Alabama!"