Say jokes

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"

What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!

Sorry, cringy joke.

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?

"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!

What did President Ford say when he met Betty?

"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?

He [is a] goy.

Americans leave without saying goodbye.

Russians say goodbye without leaving.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

Confucius say: Never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid. You lose every time, and you only hurt yourself.

Unless he use Mongolian recurved bow... then you in trouble!

What do you call a Titan who can't swim?

Titanic!

Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.

What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.