Say jokes
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
What does Sonic say when he's bored?
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
Why did the cow say moo?
Because he had to go poo.
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
Me listening to some random lgbtq protester say Its racist to ask somebody if they want free fried chicken
What did one plate say to the other plate?
"Dinner's on me."
A teacher says, "What comes before 47?" Quiet kid: "AK!"
Q: What did the kid say to the emo kid?
A: Don't leave me hanging!
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
MEOM!
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?
"Are you ready for fall?"
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
Why did the Carthaginian say Rome lost the war?
Because they were just roman around.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
If Donald Trump is running against Bill Clinton, it's safe to say that we are witnessing the Lolita Express Erections...oops, I mean Elections.
A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."
Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.
"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?
"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.
Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.
Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"
Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first. "Moo!" says the second.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”