Say jokes

Americans leave without saying goodbye.

Russians say goodbye without leaving.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”

What did the rapper say to the fridge?

"Give me a BEET!"

What did the rapper say to his shoes?

"You better lace up!"

What did the grape say to the rapper?

"You're so VINE, you must be on the JUICE!"

What did the rapper say to the fridge? (Part 2)

“I'm HUNGRY for some BARS!"

What did the rapper say to the microphone?

"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"

What did the rapper say to the vegetable?

"Lettuce DROP some BEATS!"

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

What did the DJ say to the VEGETABLE?

"Lettuce turnip the beet!"

"Say what you want about the deaf."

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

Confucius say: Never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid. You lose every time, and you only hurt yourself.

Unless he use Mongolian recurved bow... then you in trouble!

What do you call a Titan who can't swim?

Titanic!

Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.

What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.