Say jokes
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Dam.
Two hotdogs are walking across the street. One is walking slow. What does the 2nd one say?
"Ketchup!"
What did the dad say to the kid?
Nothing, he went to get the milk.
Why did the big rose say to the little rose?
"Hi, bud."
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
What did the priest say to the Muslim? Wazza!
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."
*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵
Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."
What did the spaghetti say to the sauce? Pasta la vista!
1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.
2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!
3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.
4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.
5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
Mom: Son, get up for school.
Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!