Say jokes

Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.

What did one emo say to another emo... "Rock it out!"

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"

Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?

Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.

A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.

Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"

Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

How to get your woman to come upstairs? Say you are naked.

My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..

They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.

Why did you say hi?

Because you wanted to.

What did Al-Shehhi say to Atta?

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first. "Moo!" says the second.

Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.

What did one orphan say to another?

"Robin, get in the Batmobile!"

What did the mom say to the twins?

"Go crash a plane!"

What did the fork say to the cake?

A: "I want a piece of you!"

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.