Say jokes
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."
And the other friend says, "Butt he is."
You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
What should you never say to an orphan?
"Your Mom."
Yo mamma so fat, scientists say she's the closest planet to Earth!
Why’s BBC called BBC?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
What did the one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
Q: What did the kid say to the emo kid?
A: Don't leave me hanging!
What did the floor say to the ceiling?
"I look up to you."
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?
"We are Pickle Ricks!"
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
Say "eye," smell "map," say "ness."
(I am a penis!) HA HA!
What do you say when an emo cuts themself?
"Like your cut, G."