Say jokes

What did the cow say every morning?

Good moorning!

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?

Mooooooooooo along!

What did the porg say to the porg?

Hi Porg.

You're on worst jokes ever. You thought I put up a good joke? HAHAHAH!

I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.

*World War 2 going on and then stops.*

Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.

All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”

President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."

That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.

What did the plane say to the twin towers?

"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)

Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”

Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”

Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

What do bitches say?

"FUCK ALL YA NASTY BITCHES!"

A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

What does a pillow say when you live for a week? "Don't forget me!"

A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."

Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.

"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?

"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.

Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.

Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"

Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."

It's not rape if she doesn't say no.

Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.

Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.