Say jokes
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
What does a Chinese guy say to his lover? “You’re the ying to my yang!”
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
What did the egg say to the tuna?
Yo mama is so ugly that if she went on stage, the show would instantly say, "And that's a wrap!"
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
What did the Indians say to the Arabs? "We are going to make 10/12!"
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
What did the Autistic kid say to his bully?
ARRRRRRRRR!
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”