What did the kid say to the emo?
"Don't leave me hanging!"
Say Jokes
Q: What did the kid say to the emo kid?
A: Don't leave me hanging!
Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.
Some say under his helmet is another smaller helmet, and under that is another helmet, and under that is a poster of Miley Cyrus.
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"
The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
What does a hear-moo say? "Fat cow!"
What does a cow say? Moo.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
If a girl says no twice 🤔.
Mathematically that’s a yes, so you’re good to go!
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."
So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
