Say

Say jokes

Murder

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

Tense

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

Car dealership

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

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  • Day

    If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

    Memes

    Idiot

    One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

    After a minute, a boy stands up.

    The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

    The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

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  • Priest

    A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

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  • Asian girl

    Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was, like, with one, and she kept on saying, "I'm too young."

    Bellybutton

    Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

    Orphanage

    When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Daveโ€™s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

    Wife

    Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

    Poison

    Abnerโ€™s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, โ€œI must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.โ€

    โ€œHush, dear,โ€ soothed Abner. โ€œI know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?โ€

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  • Doctor

    A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."

    The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"

    The doctor calmly replies "Nine".

    Double Entendre

    A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

    Prostate exam

    I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

    So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

    That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

    Car

    Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

    Suicidal person

    What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?

    "If at first you donโ€™t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."

    Orphan

    You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.

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  • Pirate

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.

    The bartender asks him why.

    And the pirate says:

    "Argh, It's driving me nuts."

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