"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."
Said Jokes
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.
He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
"Learn to fly a plane," they said. "It'll be fun," they said...
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"
Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.
