Said jokes

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

Why did the octopus cry?

Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.

I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

The duck walked up to the lemonade stand.

And he said to the man Running the stand, "Hey! Bomp bomp bomp Got any grapes?"

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."

When you end up pregnant...

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.

A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.

"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."

"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."

I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!

Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!

Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?

Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?

Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Doctor: *calls 911*

911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?

Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?

911 service: *hangs up*

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

Little Johnny brought a baseball bat to school.

The teacher asked why he had one. He said, "I need it to beat up the principal!"

When the principal found out what Little Johnny had said, well, let’s just say Little Johnny didn’t need no baseball bat to kill him.

My girl walks in the room in nude mode and sat on my dick. I said, "What up, your pussy?" She said, "Your dick."

Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.

The deaf man said to the waiter:

"Mmmm."

The waiter said, "No English."

Then the deaf man signed, "F U."

A girl said, "Suck my dick," and the man went, "I have boobs."

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow," I said.

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow."

A cop pulls over an old man.

The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

The old man said, "No."