Said jokes

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"

I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer:

The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."

Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.

Why are koalas so cool? Because LL Cool J ama said "knock you out!"

My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."

"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."

What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?

"It didn't happen, but it should have."

This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

Kobe played I Spy and he said, "I spy a mountain."

You know how they said weight people can't jump? Check out the 9/11 videos.

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

When they were going around giving out brains and you thought they were saying "train," so you said, "No thanks, I’ll take the next one!" 🤣

One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"

The other said, "Do you have that many?"

My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."