Said jokes

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"

I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.

I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"

I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer:

The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."

My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."

My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.

A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.

When they were going around giving out brains and you thought they were saying "train," so you said, "No thanks, I’ll take the next one!" 🤣

One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"

The other said, "Do you have that many?"

Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."

Kobe played I Spy and he said, "I spy a mountain."

This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

Why are koalas so cool? Because LL Cool J ama said "knock you out!"

You know how they said weight people can't jump? Check out the 9/11 videos.

Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.