I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.
Said Jokes
The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"
I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."
I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”
He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
Yo mama so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest, they said she wasn’t allowed because no professionals were allowed.
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
Why are koalas so cool? Because LL Cool J ama said "knock you out!"
Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.
Someone bullied a disabled person.
The disabled person said they can't stand it.
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.
Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."
This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"
